The big bang was the push our universe needed to finally start, well, existing. In The Holy Gosh Darn, heaven is under threat of a big bang of its own, which, rather alarmingly for archangel Cassiel, would mean the end of the entire place. As Cassiel, you have exactly six hours to find the titular Gosh Darn and use it to save your home. Luckily, Death bestows a clock upon you that allows you to travel through time, making your quest just that little bit easier. And to be fair, it’s about right that he helps you out, since all of this really is his fault…
The game kicks off in spectacular fashion. While Cassiel and her best friend try to guess which dog is the next one to make it to heaven—because yes, all dogs go to heaven—a sudden rush of phantoms crashes the gates and destroys your home completely. It’s a hell of a way—pun fully intended—of making an entrance. Luckily, in your dying moments, Death comes to you and explains what has just happened. He gifts you said clock that allows time travel and sets out with you to try and undo what his actions have caused.
It should all be easy: the only thing you need to save heaven is The Holy Gosh Darn. It’s a mysterious artefact created by God a long, long time ago, and it’s supposed to be a weapon of formidable power. The thing is, you don’t know what kind of artefact it is. And you have to get into a vault to retrieve it, but when you arrive at the vault, the attendant is soundly asleep and unable to let you in. That’s as far into the story I will take you, but I think it gives you an idea on how the gameplay evolves here: in order to get access to item X, you have to retrieve item Y, and make sure you get to place X before a certain time, or Action Y won’t be able to happen. So basically, it’s a whole bunch of fetch quests in order to solve puzzles.
I know that description is rather blunt, but I wanted to make something clear: if that’s the kind of gameplay you like, you’re going to love this game. If you want more than running around from one location to another and back, this game might not be for you. Then again, if you’re in two minds about The Holy Gosh Darn, I urge you to give it a try. Yes, you do a lot of running around. But you do so in a beautifully developed world. As you travel through Heaven, Earth, Hell and Helheim, you’ll meet a goofy cast of characters. From evil CEO’s to all of the Elders you get to insult, the game also includes all of your favourite people from the Bible! I’d tell you who they are, but I have literally no biblical knowledge, and I have no idea who I might be spoiling here.
The angels, demons, and others are all wonderfully voice-acted, really breathing life into these characters. The animations are all great fun to look at as well, with the game’s 2D style reminding me of Saturday morning cartoons. Well, if it weren’t for all of the angels’ swearing. There is ALOT of swearing in this game. Then again, wouldn’t you run your mouth if your very existence is on the line? As you might have guessed, conversations play an important part here too. With only six hours to save your home, you simply don’t have the time to listen to people going on and on and on. Especially if you have to revisit those same conversations over and over again. But it is a bit rude to cut people off mid-sentence. And being rude to people might just get them to not want to talk to you anymore. So you need to be pretty strategic on when to tell someone to shut the hell up or get to the actual point already. It’s a fun gameplay addition that really adds to the atmosphere of the game, showing you how Cassiel feels just like the player when you just want to get on with saving friggin’ heaven.
The Holy Gosh Darn reminds me a lot of Night School Studios’ Afterparty, with the gameplay being pretty similar and its fun twists on the established ideas of Heaven and Hell. There are more similarities though: both games boast impressive production values, with gorgeous visuals, phenomenal voice acting, and excellent writing that really shine. The music and general use of audio is excellent as well: it adapts to where you are, with, for example, Earth and Helheim needing a very different vibe, and with the clock edging nearer and nearer to the end, the audio cues ramp up the pressure. It’s just another in a long list of neat touches in a game that’s full of them.
The humour is on point as well. I have mentioned this before, but I always err on the side of caution when developers claim their game is funny. But Perfectly Paranormal have taken the humour of their previous games Manual Samuel and Helheim Hassle and really upgraded it to another level entirely. The returning characters from those games are a nice addition here too, never feeling out of place or forced into the story.
Is there anything negative about the game then? Well, maybe. The only real issue I had with it during my playthrough was that sometimes the repetition would get to me. However, usually that was through my own fault. I would go on a quest to get a certain item, only to forget to add it to my clock before travelling back in time, meaning I would lose that item by the, erm, time I got back to my earlier destination. Meaning I had to go back to the future again before making my way back once more. The puzzles aren’t even that hard to figure out, so I feel this might be a skill issue on my end, more than it being the game’s fault.
There’s just a whole lot to love with this game. It’s perfectly paced, with new gameplay elements being added at just the right time—even if Cassiel might suggest these would’ve been handy from the start of your adventure. There’s a real sense of urgency to everything that you do. There are some side quests to pad out your time with the game too, and these can be fun, although I felt like they were hard to devote time to with the existence of heaven being on the line. But still, I might actually return to the game to see how those quests turn out.
The Holy Gosh Darn is a divinely funny game that plays with time in exciting ways. The cast of characters are all charming in their own ways; there’s plenty going on in the game’s different worlds for you to uncover, and it just looks, sounds, and plays extremely well. The game takes a wild concept and does so much with it as you hurry around trying to save everyone you know. This is simply a hell of a good time, and I implore you to go out and discover its many twists and turns for yourself.
Release date:
September 26th, 2024
Platforms:
PC, Xbox One, Series X|S, PS4, PS5, & Nintendo Switch
Price:
£16.75
Version tested:
PC
Many thanks to the publisher for the review copy.
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